Why Self Discipline will Set You Free

A few years ago, someone in my life told me that self discipline will set me free. Naturally, I rolled my eyes so hard I almost saw the back of my skull. I brushed it off. “Yeah, okay,” was probably my exact response — with all the enthusiasm of someone being handed a pamphlet on tax strategy at a party.

Because what does that even mean, exactly? Self discipline will set you free. It’s counterintuitive. Self-discipline and freedom, coexisting together? Those two sound like they should cancel each other out.

The idea that discipline, an act involving rigidity, can provide freedom. How? Discipline is rules, rigidity, structure. Freedom (to me) is brunch on a Tuesday, sleeping till 9 a.m. and not wearing a bra. So how does one lead to the other?

Well I eventually found out – the hard way, of course. Let’s unpack.

Merriam-Webster defines discipline as “control gained by enforcing obedience or order.” In less dystopian terms: the ability to act even when you don’t feel like it. The ability to take an objective approach to your tasks and responsibilities, no matter what. 

To do what needs to be done without throwing a full-blown existential tantrum about it. To step outside the bubbling chaos of your own feelings and say, “Okay, what’s the next right thing?”

We first learn discipline in childhood — disguised as chores, curfews, and the universally hated reminder to floss. Parents, teachers, doctors  — they give us structure, rules, a schedule to follow so our brains don’t turn to mush. Brush your teeth. Do your homework. Feed the dog. Wash your face. Survive. Repeat.

But then one day, that changes, either slowly or all at once. Some people flee the nest in pursuit of higher education or a job. Maybe it’s your first solo apartment where the fridge only contains expired hummus and cheap vodka. Or, maybe it’s the slow realization that no one is coming to rescue you from your own laziness (more on this later). Whatever it is, you blink and suddenly: you’re the adult. You’re the disciplinarian now.

Now introduce “self” into that textbook definition. “Self control gained by enforcing obedience or order.” Woah. Now that you’re the disciplinarian, you make the rules.

But when you make the rules, things can get…flexible. Cookie dough for breakfast? Sure. Leave the dishes for three days and pretend they’re “soaking”? You got it. Lay in bed watching TikToks for six hours straight while your to-do list glares at you like a disappointed parent? Been there.

But here’s the catch: the discipline you do (or don’t) enforce slowly becomes the blueprint for your life.

What you tolerate becomes your standard. The stuff you let slide — being late, skipping responsibilities, ignoring your own boundaries — quietly teaches you and everyone else what you believe you deserve. So if you’re always the one running ten minutes behind, are you really allowed to be furious when someone else does the same?

Unfortunately, freedom doesn’t mean doing whatever you want whenever you want. That’s chaos, not liberation. Real freedom is knowing you can trust yourself. Building confidence in your own decision making abilities that you don’t seek outside validation or input to sway your choice.

And now for the hard truth that stings a little: no one is coming. 

Yup. No one is coming to help you do the dishes, or file your taxes, or figure out if the AC repair guy is overcharging you. No one is coming. How does that make you feel? Scared? Anxious? Maybe a little sweaty?

But what if I told you the reason no one’s coming is because you are the decider now? You get to choose how to save yourself. How to help yourself. You decide whether to contribute to your savings or buy the handbag. You choose whether the backsplash should be subway tile or marble.

So now that you know no one is coming, how will you choose to show up for yourself? How will you apply self discipline? Can you trust that you’ll show up, do the thing, take care of your life — even when it’s wildly inconvenient and absolutely no one is watching?

I had to learn this the hard way: self-discipline isn’t the enemy of freedom. It’s the foundation of it.

Sure, the internet loves to preach about self love. Don’t forget to love yourself. And hey, I’m all for a face mask and the occasional retail therapy spree — they slap (do the kids still say that?). But the real self-love? It exists and multiplies the promises you keep to yourself. The ones no one sees.

It’s the grown-up version of love: not just saying “I care about me,” but proving it to yourself — day in, day out.

Now that you know how to firmly love yourself, will you? You can lead a horse to water and all that jazz, but self-discipline and the life you want doesn’t work unless you do.

And if that person is reading this now–you know who you are–I hope you like the view because this is the life that self-discipline built.